Wishful thinking, we all do it.
I hope for a cinderella story.
Others hope for their happily ever after.
It's a pretty common thing to do. Everyone has done it at least once. That is a fact. I use to wonder if my parents would get back together. That was wishful thinking. He wonders when the girl will realize he's her soulmate, even though she shows no affection for him. That's wishful thinking.
Like today for example. HAHA i'm so pathetic (: so if you haven't heard i'm not going to homecoming ):.
I know I know, I'm in asb, I'm a chair for pre-game, I have to be in the halftime show, why not go to the dance?
Well, I have no date (: I did have one, but now i do not. So today, well it's 2 so yesterday was homecoming. Not keppel Homecoming but my dates homecoming. I'm not quite sure whether or not he had a date but since he couldn't go to mines i just thought HMMMM maybe JUST maybe i could be like Cinderella and he'd ask my mom for permission and stuff, he'd get the guest pass done, and he'd come pick me up for homecoming. I knew i was just wishfully thinking, but i still decided to do my nails, my hair, and put on my homecoming dress. I just watched television, and i didn't wait but secretly i knew a part of me would have wanted it to happen. Wishful Thinking I know.
But everyone does it. WHy do we wish for things we secretly know will never come?
My friend has a boyfriend. He's not a bad boyfriend. HONEST he's not. But he cheated on her. Dumped her. Went for another girl. THe "other woman". That girl ended up dumping him so he went back to my friend. Now, I personally WOULD NOT HAVE taken him back. But you can't help who you like right? So give him another chance. WEll when you consistently argue, fight, and complain about your boyfriend. Those are signs to just break it off. Once in a while he'll do something really sweet. BUt they fight practically every day. She's wishfully thinking that they'll be together forever when really, their relationship is spiraling downwards.
Why do we always hope for the best when sometimes we just need to back down?
My other friend this one is a guy. Now he likes this girl. And she doesn't like him at all. She doesn't like him in a lovers way let a lone a friend way. So why choose to believe that ONE DAY she'll wake up and realize you're the love of her life? And everyday you live miserably and you're completely obsessed over her? Well, idk but thatS REALLY WISHFUL thinking. i mean i know it's hard, but once a guy or girl doesn't like you. It means move on. Yeah it's good to keep trying and go for it again. But when it's OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF she shows no affections towards you, move on. Don't wishfully think she'll come around. Because she won't.
Why do we hope that people will eventually understand and feel the same way?
Wishful Thinking is built on fantasies and love stories that always end in a happily ever after. Happily ever afters don't always exist in the real-world. Ask a dead rape victim. She didn't get her happily ever after.

entering into highschool i knew the ONE thing i didn't want to do or become.
i didn't want to become one of those girls who ONLY wanted popularity.
too late.
i did.
freshman and sophomore year i was probably a compulsive liar that ONLY wanted to fit in.
haha boy o boy was i stupid
i talked shit. lied. manipulated.
but this is a new era.
i'm determined that junior year will be different.
and if you know me at all you know when i set my mind to something i go all out.
i know i've lied and been a bitch.
but this year will be different for me.
i know i'm a bitch. i know i'm not skinny. i know i lie. i know i'm not fashionable.
but for some reason none of that matters anymore.
now i'm more concentrated on keeping those close to me. close.
and hopefully regaining some some dignity.
i think it's actually funny it took me two years to realize this.
i know i'm not perfect and i know i strive to be.
and if i'm not i know i make lies to fill in for that perfection.
i was trying to fit in when really,
i'm just nathalie tang.
haha i use to say that like it was a bad thing.
but i think it's different now.
i use to try and make lies and do things to fill the empty places in my heart.
but they didn't do anything for me.
it just made me feel worse.
i'm sorry if i've ever lied to your or made fun of you
i just wanted to fit in.
i think that's what everyone wants though. to fit in.
i mean i know other people do the same i just did it a lot. haha.
i'm not excusing my actions i'm owning up to them.
i know what i was.
and i know what i want to be.
and i know what i am deep inside.
i just never showed myself completely.
only select few have seen me at my best and at my worse.
those are the people i should want to impress.
not people that don't really care who i am but how much i have to offer for their benefits.
i'm determined to be different this year.
no more lies.
it's a new era.
no more depression.
i have confidence.
no more arrogance.
i need to mellow out.
no more living up to what people want.
i'm doing this for me.
my name is nathalie tang
in 100 years the dust from my bones will be gone.
my name will probably be forgotten.
but for right now.
my name is nathalie tang and i'm just another asian junior at mark keppel high.
not special but nothing ordinary.

isolation.
it's a strange word in the english dictionary.
but it's the word that describes me.
my birthday is on october 26th (: yes i know i'll be turning 16 in a matter of weeks. up until two years ago that day was a curse. my mom owns a trading company, and EVERY year there's a show in china. so she goes and my birthday takes a backseat to work. of course i have my siblings but that never really is enough. my parents are divorced so my dad would be here right? wrong. he holds a high position at a bank that requires a lot of traveling. the most traveling occurs in october. up until two years ago i put up with it. then i expressed my feelings and the trips stopped. so last year i turned 15. it was supposed to be the best birthday yet. BOTH my parents would be around. it wasn't. my uncle died a couple weeks before it. and i swear i had nothing to look forward to. but my friends made it a special day. every did but ESPECIALLY christina. i can always count on her.
it's that time of year again.
in a sense my parents will be here.
my friends will be here.
but where will i be?
my dad and i use to be close. complications with my step-mother ended that. but i never stopped loving him. he's my father after all. but yesterday. he informed my he gave my step-mom my birthday. she moved here from china and she needed a set birthday since the chinese birthday changes every year. he gave her oct 26. my half-sister is to be born in a couple of weeks. doctors say around the 20th. i know it may sound self-centered and i mean it's a birthday who really cares. but i just idk. it bugs me. i feel like empty. i feel like ever since she's come i mean nothing. the things he does the things he says. you know yesterday i asked if i can sleep over another night. because if he dropped me off i'd have to be home alone till midnight. he said no. and he didn't buy me dinner.
my mom well she's there for me. i know she loves me. she tries to support me. but she probably puts me down the most. she always says things like i need to FIX you cuz she thinks i'm derranged. well i probably am because of all the crap they put me through. idk. and i wanted to drop this class but she didn't want me to or whatever. but i don't get it. how can she act as a parent when she doesn't come home till midnight everyday. how can she tell me what to do and not be present to witness it.
it's like one tree hill.
brookes parents never gave her a chance. nathan's parents were too self-involved to care.
my parents.
are not as bad.
my parents aren't even one-eighth as bad.
but i am not even one-eigthh as happy as nathan and brooke seem to be.